Dark humor

On Tuesday I was driving to physical therapy (i finally got discharged from it, yay) when I noticed a bulletin board on the side of the road. It's probably been there since I moved, but it's just back enough of the road and in trees enough for it not to be really noticeable. I tend to focus on the road when i'm driving which is a good thing. It says that depression can be fatal if it's not treated and to call some number. I just find it stupid because they are leaving out that depression can be fatal even WITH treatment. I'd had a pretty good weekend, although things took a bit of a dip Sunday. Prior to that I was beginning to believe things were changing and would maybe get better. I don't think I believe that anymore. I'm not suicidal by a long shot, I actually wish I was as the option sounds pretty good right now. Now I'm just worn out and broken down and I don't particularly know how to keep trying anymore.

There is so much to catch up on here but I don't have the energy right now. There have been changes. I moved, I do really like where I live now. My dog no longer lives with me, she had horrid anxiety at night here and I can't get her used to it no matter what I try. I miss her terribly and it's affecting me a lot the past few days. I haven't had contact with anyone in my family (except text messages to my mother for money) other then brief contact with my grandfather in about a month. That's been very hard on some levels but incredibly freeing in other ways. It does make me sad. I still wish I had a family who care about me but it's too broken now. It's adding to the sadness and isolation I feel at the moment.

I've been all over the place with therapy. I love it, I hate it, I trust her, I don't. Now I'm ready to quit again due to the incredible sadness and weariness. Things just don't seem to be getting better. I'm in a different place but it's a whole new pile of shit to wade through and I don't have the strength.