A new beginning

I've written in this blog in the past but I ended up deleting all of the posts. At that point in time I was focusing on my hearing loss and how it was affecting me. I will still write about that but am thinking this blog will mainly focus on my journey of healing from sexual abuse. So its a new year. A new start. A new beginning, both in life and here in this blog. I'll see where it takes me. For now I'm going to keep identifying details totally separate from this. I'm not ashamed of my story and what I have lived though. I have survived so much and am coming out on the other side. However, part of what I experienced has left its mark on me in a way not many people understand and I am leery about people who know me knowing about this. I might tell some about this blog but don't want others to stumble on it and know instantly who I am. Maybe I'll change my mind in the future but this is how I will do it for now. In the past year I finally made a lot of strides forward in my healing journey, not the least of which was my six week stay on the Trauma Disorders Unit at Sheppard Pratt Hospital in Baltimore, MD. I was actually discharged from there on December 7th, 2011, but the difference it made in my life over the past year was huge. I've never had a year like the one that just passed (and I meant that it was better then my life has ever been). I honestly didn't know life could be like this. Was it a perfect year? No, I crashed quite badly at the end of August and ended up inpatient for five days. The end of August through the end of November kinda sucked. But I made it through. I actually knew true happiness and stability this year, for the first time ever in my thirty-something years and that is amazing. As for the trauma I will leave it at this for now. I was sexually abused by my father from a very young age until I was 17. I carry a lot of guilt that I was so old when it ended and that I never told anyone. I didn't know to tell anyone as it had been going on for so long that it just seemed normal to me. I was never able to prosecute him. I tried to do so several years ago but was told it would be he said/she said. And since he is a lawyer and I'm on disability for psychiatric reasons they decided to believe him. They didn't even investigate him. But hey, at least I haven't seen him in many years. I still wish there was a way for him to be punished for what he did to me. I know there is no way for that to happen now but I haven't completely given up hope the statute of limitations will change and be eliminated and I will get my chance.