Catch up of sorts

I am absolutely going to move. I'm looking into ways to break my lease. I am going insane here. Thankfully video game guy just FINALLY stopped at 9PM. I'll see if it lasts. I'm not sure if he stopped or just finally turned it down but it was so loud I could hear/feel it without my implant on and it was annoying repetitive crappy shit. My lease is up in December and moving that time of year sucks in this state. I can't stand the noise here anymore. I had to get in a fight with the leasing office to get them to send out an email about the person who's alarm wakes me up at 3AM. I'd asked them to send an email out about it before and they never did. I called them again a few weeks ago and they said they would send one out. A week later I called and asked why it hadn't been sent again. Turns out the one they sent before didn't mention alarm clocks, just general noise issues. I told them they needed to put alarm clocks in it specifically because no one will connect that with general noise. After a lot of arguing with them they finally did so. This is my second night home so we'll see how that goes as it isn't a daily occurrence but its enough to be annoying. The video game music tonight was bad enough that I nearly went to my mother's to sleep and get away from it.

I'm pretty sure my therapist and psychiatrist will write letters for me to move because the guy below calling the police on me has freaked me out. I don't have an issue with the police but having them randomly show up and then treat me differently due to my hearing loss isn't making me happy. The guy downstairs is incredibly unstable and I don't feel safe when I see him. He's the one who told me last summer that a wolf stole his hamburger meat off his grill. Where I live thats not possible and there were no huskies in the complex at the time. I think either tomorrow or Monday I'm going to try to either call or make an appointment with someone at a realty group that might help me be able to find an apartment. I just want something quiet and safe. I've been looking on craigslist but haven't found anything. If i have to threaten to take them to court to get out of the lease I just might do so.

In other news, therapy is going well and so is church stuff. I had a really good conversation with my minister today about prayer, suicide, life, and trust. My therapist did some experiential stuff on Tuesday and it was beneficial. I had a good session with her today and just sent her a long email on my thoughts on it. I start equine therapy tomorrow. I've also applied for a per diem activities assistant job and I am beginning the process of looking into grad school for music therapy. That will be a SLOW process and I'm only in the information gathering stage. I don't want to do psychotherapy with it but rather therapy with dementia patients or possibly kids with disabilities. I need to brush up on my music skills though and also need to get somewhat more stable. I don't plan to apply this year but possibly next year if all goes well.

I've currently got a huge fruit fly infestation and so just set out traps with dish soap and apple cider vinegar and they absolutely are helping. It's really gross. That's what happens when the trash sits for a long time, even if it is covered.

What else have I been up to? I've been swimming again, although I couldn't go today as I pulled a neck/shoulder muscle and it really hurts. Its better now then it was this morning. I'm not sure if I'll try to go tomorrow or will rest another day. I've started flute lessons again and I am loving it even more now then in the past. My grandfather turned 89 and is temporarily without a license after failing the eye exam. He goes to the eye doctor Tuesday and hopefully will get it back afterwards. He needs to get it back otherwise I'm going to be driving him lots of places. Tomorrow I have to take him to Market Basket which is hell on earth. Great prices yes, but overcrowded all the time. I haven't been there in over two years at this point.

My dog's electrocardiogram went as well as it could have gone. She does have heart disease and a murmur but doesn't need medication yet, although she will in the future. It saddens me and makes the realization that she won't live forever a little bit more real. I cried for a few hours after getting the news, even knowing it was the best news I could hope for.

I guess that is mostly it. I've been so busy lately I never seem to have time to catch my breath and write either here or in my paper journal. Hopefully things will begin to settle down and normalize more soon.

Sick

I have a nasty cold. It is too early in the season to have a cold, especially one this bad. I think if someone had shot me in the head yesterday only mucus would have come out, no blood. Today it seems to be moving down my body and I feel it more in my chest and throat, this has to mean it is leaving. Right? Please tell me that is accurate! I'm running a bouncy house at church tomorrow and need to feel better. Today I'm dragging and exhausted. I've found eating massive amounts of raw garlic on toast to be helpful. I'm also doing a crap ton of other stuff, both natural and two more conventional remedies to make this more tolerable.

So even in my miserableness of having a cold there is some good news. I met with the equine therapist yesterday and she was nice. I was comfortable with her. And even more amazing is she and the owner of the program have decided to see me for free for two months (twice a month) until she can begin taking my insurance! I have never had anyone offer me anything like that and was astounded by the offer. They have four horses, two miniature and two bigger ones. I won't be riding them as the therapist doesn't have a riding teachers license. I'm OK with that because I'm scared of horses at this point. I think this is something that could be beneficial. At the very least it will be interesting.

I'm currently waiting for my Y scholarship to go through. Once that goes through I can begin to swim again. I need to try to get in better shape. I'm not in horrific shape, but I am not in good shape. And I am still obese thanks to the Clozaril. I wish I had never tried that medication. I've also put feelers out to try to find a yoga therapy my therapist suggested and possibly martial arts. The last two are unlikely due to cost but I'm just finding out options.

I saw my pdoc on Wednesday. It went well. She's trying to get my labs from when I was inpatient and then is going to order her own. She tests for things other doctors don't. She mentioned the MTHFR gene in particular, as well as thyroid stuff that she looks at differently. Plus when we discussed my weight she said she is going to order this nutritional analysis that my insurance will actually cover that will help find out how my body reacts to food or something. This was all brought up when I mentioned I'd needed a B-12 shot in the hospital. I also lamented the weight gain from Clozaril and she suggested the nutritional analysis thing. I'm temporarily back on Trazodone due to my inability to sleep well. It didn't work the first two nights but last night I finally slept. I'm hoping this is partly due to my cold and I won't need it once its gone. Although there is some apprehension buried within around sleeping right now so maybe not. I'm still supposed to go to respite on Monday though and so maybe there with other people around I'll feel safer and can sleep without it.

Therapy was uneventful on Thursday compared to how it has been going. Mainly because the cold had gotten bad and she wouldn't come near me. So we just talked. Some interesting things were raised that I need to think more about.

The most difficult news as of late is my dog has a heart murmur. I'm bringing her in for an electrocardiogram on Wednesday to learn more. I'm hoping it is minor and pills can correct it.